So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
