Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
