I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
