Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
