I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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