And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
