when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't trust your balls anymore.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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