my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
