He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
