I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
