Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize