if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
