I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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