Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
