We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
