Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
