Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
