The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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