OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
