i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize