Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
