I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
