i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
