I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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