The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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