just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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