You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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