He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize