so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize