We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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