"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
