saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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