Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
