I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I just sharted jello shots
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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