apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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