in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
