not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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