if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
