I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize