im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
