you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
