Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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