The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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