At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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