Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize