Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
