Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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