Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
