i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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