well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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