so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
