I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
