she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
