well I can't set my house on fire every night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
