Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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