I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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