3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
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