so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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