Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
