Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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