Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
