You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
