tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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