it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
