At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
