goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm like, not good at living.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
