these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize