Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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