i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
