She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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