The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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