i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
